Also among those who seek solace in liquid form is principal consultant Michael Corbett, who's taken one of this year's less impressive marketing ideas and found the killer application. "Grid Alcohol. It's a bit like utility computing in that it collects all the unused dregs of booze from bottles and cans and redistributes to those places where 'alcohol is needed'." Get that working over wireless, Michael, and you've got something there.
More gadgets
Rob Thelen-Bartholomew, head of mobile communications, wants a "Santa GPS locator with on screen mapping and tracking so I can be tucked up in bed and fast asleep..." very good. Is that all? "...when he leaves that new iPod underneath my Christmas tree." Nice try, Rob, but Santa has a full suite of electronic countermeasures on his sled.
Which he needs with people like IT manager Rob Turnbull out there, whose "must-have gadget would have to be the L39 fighter jet which can be bought for a piffling £200K! Seriously! Who could care about working Xmas day when you can rock up to the office in one of these blighters! Parking might be an issue though..." The only air traffic up there is Santa, and that's the way he plans to keep it. The same goes for support engineer Josh Cann, who desires "a sentient Magic Carpet, like they have in Aladdin. And a monkey".
Paul Rose, marketing executive, has more down-to-earth Yuletide transportation wishes: "A Segway so I could clown around in the office while I'm supposed to be working. Also if we had a few then we could hold a Segway Grand Prix."
The tersely named "IT bod" N Pearse knows what he wants to eat all of, and how to get them "The iPie of course! Pies on demand, mince at this time of year, able to switch to any flavour as and when you need. Plenty for everyone."
There were lots of requests for PDAs, laptops, Robosapiens, mobile phone blockers, Christmas advert filters, even an ingenious Boozy-Babel Fish that translated sober requests for technical support into drunkspeak and back again, thus allowing you to be sozzled in charge of a hotline. A thought that would change Chrismas Day working for millions, thanks to network manager Jessica Pitcher. Many people wanted digital radios; two even fancied a Windows Media Centre PC.
Poetry
But with two tiny exceptions, only one device inspired poetry. One present was top of thousands of wish lists: there's no getting away from the grip it has on the nation's stockings. But before Santa reveals the poetic lengths to which this not-really-a-mystery-at-all device has driven his readers, he would like you to pause and contemplate this haiku from Nigel Patience, IT manager.
Needed in work place.
Stronger signals through the air.
Now digital death.
Santa thinks Nigel wants some aftershave, but who can tell?
Mark Bradfield makes the solitary stand for traditional poetry not about an Apple product. He wants
"A USB TV Box.
So that even when surrounded by work, trouble and woe
And the rest of the folks filled with beer
Me and my laptop though still working hard
Can catch up on some festive cheer."
iPoetry
OK, it's iPod Poetry time. Hey, you sent 'em in, you gotta read 'em.
Simon Jones, take the stage.
Working over Christmas is never much fun, Christmas pud is nice but avoid the rum,
I'll get called out so let's hope there's no snow, But with an iPod Mini I'll sing ho ho ho!
I can listen to Slade, Sir Cliff and some Wizzard, Let's hope things restore it looks like a blizzard,
All systems working let's have some Band Aid, The prize from ZD my Christmas it made.
With so much space I'll store carols galore, And on my way home I'll listen some more,
I'll get back to the family to finish my dinner, I'd love an iPod so please make me the winner!
Stephen Elms, proprietor of an accounting firm, serenades Santa with a new take on an old favourite:
There's many a good reason for iPods
And one has just entered my head
If I can't have a listen over Chrimble
How the heck can I listen when dead?
