No longer stigmatised as a magnet for dirty old men, online dating is attracting slews of hip urban professionals looking for love. Those who've tried online matchmaking say searching for sweethearts online is cheap, easy and, for the most part, safe. The sites act as a conduit, so women don't have to provide information to those who are interested in them unless they want to. In most cases, those who want to initiate contact can't do so unless they pay a fee to the site. Unlike a newspaper ad, online postings can be changed or withdrawn. They also provide more space, allowing singles to display for potential dates not only their physical attributes but also their fondness for fly-fishing, their cravings for cosmopolitans or their soft spot for spelunking. In addition, people posting online can immediately weed out people who don't fit their profile instead of waiting for a second or third date to broach sensitive subjects such as political or religious leanings, or a desire to have children. In a polar opposite to bar pick-ups, online dating also lets people test for compatibility before chemistry, instead of the other way around. Some say the real-world meetings that follow virtual flirtations are more like a third date than a first. Several matchmaking sites let singles home in on people with specific interests or religious backgrounds. Jody Lerner, a 31-year-old San Francisco resident and MBA, raves about JDate, a dating site targeting Jewish singles. During the past nine months, Lerner has gone on dates with 10 people who've contacted her via the site. Though she has yet to make a perfect match, the East Coast transplant said the site has led to offline friendships and widened her social circle. "The caliber of people is very high," Lerner said. "Even if there's no attraction, I meet educated, articulate people. They're great guys." Plus, it's an ego boost. Women who post on the sites get dozens, if not hundreds, of responses. Call it the thrill of the digital chase. Lerner said the compliments on her picture and posting at least lift her spirits, even if they don't lead to the wedding chuppah. "It's just so flattering," she said. "Who doesn't like to hear all those nice things?" Some sites will even do the matching for singles who are too lazy to wade through pages of profiles. Romantic Planet is trying to differentiate itself in the online matchmaking market by offering a double-dating option and a feature that "learns" a poster's preferences by tracking the characteristics of the people they correspond with. Not always a fairy tale
Although online dating is shedding the image that it's a playground for geeks without lives, it isn't without hitches. Gallup, Orleans' fiancee, said she was wary of online matchmaking services before she tried one. Some of her friends had less-than-stellar luck, including one who went on several dates with a man before learning he was a porn king. Nevertheless, Gallup, 30, a community college professor, decided she would give online dating a whirl after meeting a woman at a party who had hooked up with her fiance via online matchmaking. "Then I had proof that it does work for people," said Gallup, who stated in her profile that Republicans need not apply. She met Orleans in the fall of 2000, and they watched a presidential debate together as one of their first dates. These days, she downplays the Internet component of her relationship with Orleans but said she still would recommend online matchmaking to her single friends. "All you really need is the catalyst. You will meet who you're supposed to meet," she said, with all the gushing effusiveness of a bride to be. Orleans said the virtual connection and courting saved him a lot of stress and helped him meet a smart, attractive woman with similar interests. "It's not the most romantic thing," he said, "but it's realistic."
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